Grieving the Loss of Midwives

I knew it had already happened, but I wasn’t prepared for this. How could I ever process the depths of the truth of what is happening without fully witnessing it, without feeling it for all that it is now ?

I knew we lost the best of us those 3.5 years ago when many chose to walk away from what we love. We chose to say no to corruption, to coercion, to lies, to social pressure. We chose to say yes to our bodily autonomy, our sovereignty, our right to choose what is best for our mind, body and soul.

Midwives appear to be a dying art, a lost profession. Suppressed and crushed under the weight and restrictions of a patriarchal dominated society. I question whether the women qualifying as midwives today even know what it truly means to be a midwife. Many will not inner-stand the real meaning of the word let alone embody the archetype of  it.  Though they may study the ‘holistic side of midwifery’ many will not know what this means in practice as they are not provided with the opportunity to learn alongside experienced midwives who truly embody all that it means to be a midwife (a woman working with women, for WOMEN).

The midwife is an archetype as old as time. A guardian and protector of normal birth. A knower and keeper of ancient knowledge and womb wisdom. A gatekeeper of incoming souls. An advocate, a teacher, a guiding light in the darkness. A midwife is so much more than a profession. A midwife is an expert in normal, physiological and unassisted birth. A midwife knows birth intimately and trusts whole heartedly in this process. 

The midwife holds a powerful space for the womb to birth her creation, guiding the woman back to her body, back to her breath, back to the primordial wisdom of her womb and her unborn baby.  The midwife holds high a bright and burning flame illuminating the path as she guides a woman down into the depths of her being, down into her womb, down into the darkness, the void, the unknown, down into the underworld, the place where many don’t wish to go. For this is the place we may allow parts of ourselves to die and fall away, the place where we find strength and power we didn’t know we had. The place where we gestate, we grow, we change before birthing ourselves a new.  The midwife knows that in order for the mother to be born, first the maiden must die. The midwife knows death, she knows life, she knows the interconnectedness of the two, she knows the importance of creating and holding a strong and sacred space that supports the natural unfolding of this process. She honours birth as a rite of passage not just for the mother, but for the baby too. A profound and sacred journey, one that has the power to impact both mother and child for the rest of their lives. The midwife inner-stands the language of the womb. She knows the way in which she speaks, she knows what facilitates the opening of a woman’s most sacred space. She knows what is needed for women to experience a natural empowering birth and she absolutely knows what hinders it. The midwife is ancient, the midwife is sacred, she plays a vital roll in the birthing of mothers, the birthing of our next generation, our  communities and our society as a whole. The midwife is powerful and essential and yet she has been forgotten, midwifery is a dying art.

Yes we can still find them if we journey into small, often remote areas around the globe, we will find them standing in their power, true to themselves, to women, to birth. Living, breathing, teaching and practicing ancient birth wisdom, wisdom passed down from generation to generation, through time and space and stories from woman to woman from grandmother to mother to child, from crone to mother to maiden and of course the true wisdom gained only with knowledge, time and experience combined.

These midwives, the keepers of this ancient birth wisdom are not midwives by “profession” they are midwives because it is an archetype that courses through their veins, they were born into this work, called ever so deeply into this work, called by the great mother in service to the mother. For the great mother knows, the midwife knows that when we heal the mother we heal the world.

It has been 3.5 years since I walked away from midwifery or should I say since I was forced to leave the ‘profession’ due to my choice not to receive the experimental gene therapy drug made mandatory at that time. I have spent the past 3 years simply living, learning, being, feeling, healing, evolving, dreaming, creating. Raising our three children all day every day. Embodying MOTHER on a level I had never known up until this point.  I am so blessed to have had this time. This time to connect ever so deeply with my whole being, my heart, my womb, my mind, body and soul. This time to connect so deeply with these three incredible young humans we created through love, the ones we called forth into this physical realm, created and birthed through the portal of my womb. These wild, authentic, expressive, intuitive souls. Extensions of us, our greatest triggers and more importantly our greatest teachers.

I feel so blessed to have had this time to simply ground on this land we call home. To connect ever so deeply with the seasons, the cycles, the plants, the trees, the animals, the elements. I am not the same woman I was those years ago. For I have held my own flame, I have sat with myself in the darkness, I have journeyed down and through the underworld over and over again, I have died many deaths, I have shed many skins, releasing that which no longer serves me. I have grown, evolved, learned and lived far more than I ever had before. I am grateful for I am blessed.  I have blessed myself with the gift of presence. Presence for all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, all of it. I see it,  I acknowledge it, I feel it, I process it, and I learn. I am forever learning from the greatest teachers of all, our great Mother Earth , my heart and my womb. I am forever a student of life.

My love for women, the womb and birth is still so very much alive and yet the midwifery I once practiced and know so strongly in my heart seems to have died. Many of today’s midwives are no longer practicing midwifery, yes they remain highly skilled health professionals. We as midwives are capable of an array of medical procedures. We can IV cannulate, we can take bloods, blood pressures and vital signs, we can prescribe medications and draw up life saving drugs, we can administer intramuscular and intravenouse injections and suture large open complex wounds, we can palpate a woman’s womb and tell you the lie, the position, presentation and decent of her unborn baby, we can gauge the progression of a labour by simply observing a mothers movements, her breath and her tone. We can manage and stabilise a mother experiencing a massive post partum haemorrhage, we can successfully resuscitate a newborn needing extra help. The list goes on and on and on. Midwifery incorporates all of these things and so much more but this work does not define what it means to be a midwife.  The care midwives are being called to provide on a daily basis in both primary and secondary care birthing units around the country and the world is heavily dominated by complex medical care, work which resembles more of an obstetric nurse than the true work of a midwife.

Primary care and primary birth, healthy well women experiencing normal, un facilitated empowering vaginal births are now a minority.

So many women are physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually sick. I believe this sickness stems from disconnection. More and more women are disconnected from their own physical body and the infinite intelligence that lives within their unique sacred vessel. They are disconnected from their womb and the primordial wisdom, power and pleasure that lives here in their most sacred space. There is a disconnect and a lack of trust in their own growing baby. Many are disconnected from their heart, their intuition, their own deep inner knowing and powerful internal compass. They are disconnected from the great mother beneath their feet, disconnected from the food in which they eat, the water they choose to drink. Disconnected from source, the great goddess, mother father god, the cosmic womb where all of everything is birthed.  The list goes on and on. I believe this level of disconnect is due to a lack of awareness which can also be described as a lack of consciousness as consciousness is simply to be aware of oneself, to know oneself and to be aware that there is always a deeper meaning behind all of everything.  I believe this disconnect, this lack of consciousness is the absolute root of this sickness.

On top of this women are lacking the education and support once offered by a strong maternity system or shall I say a strong accessibility to sacred birth keepers, lead maternity carers, midwives who provided continuity of care from conception until 6 weeks postpartum. Midwives who worked in partnership with women, who nurtured their relationship, who built trust and confidence. The midwives who asked deep questions, who strived to inner- stand the thoughts and emotions that were dominating the woman’s internal world. The midwives who worked with women to identify their fears, their trauma, their old told stories that would later hinder the birthing experience.

I grieve this loss, I grieve the loss of midwives, I grieve the loss for women, I grieve the loss for society and the world.  For peace on earth begins with peaceful, concious conception, gestation and birth and of course the first seven years of life.  Sadly too many of the health care providers working in the maternity and birthing ‘system’ do not know the significance of this truth. They do not care to know the ripple effects of their actions. The system is stretched, under huge pressure to move large numbers of pregnant women through and out, there is no space to create safety or connection, there is no individualised care, no time to share stories or delve into fears or desires and make plans in a trusting partnership with a lead maternity care provider. No, the clock ticks, the staff turn over, the women are known by the number of their room rather than by name,  they are medically managed in accordance with the most recent protocol, there is no personalised care when you are taking up a bed in a hospital, there is no intention set for an optimal outcome, one that revolves around health and empowerment for this is not the priority of the system at play.

The current maternity wards work more like a cattle yard than anything else.  In, through and out as fast as possible despite the huge negative impact this way of functioning has on women, babies their whanau and the greater community.

I cannot stand it, I will not stand it, I will not support it, I will not normalise it, I will not be quiet, I will not sit down, I will speak, I will share, I will write- trusting in the ripple effects of my actions, trusting the spread of my passion for health, for healing, for normal, primary, empowering birth.

I will do my part, but I cannot alone save birth. I cannot save the women of the world, nor can midwives save birth. It is women who must save themselves. They must stand up and speak up, they must learn to know what it is that they want and put in the deep work to make it happen.

Women must reclaim their power and actively take it back where necessary. In order to do this they must remember and embrace their true wild nature, remembering from where they came and what it is that they are connected to, rather than being disconnected we must begin to reconnect, heal and strengthen our relationship with all which matters most.

First we must reconnect with source, our creator, the infinite network of intelligence that pulses through all that is alive and living in this universe. We must reconnect with our great Mother Earth , the one who holds us, sustains us, nourishes us and all of life, our greatest teacher, our greatest healer. We must reclaim our mind as ours and ours only, learning more about the power it holds and then put this knowledge into practice. We must reconnect with our body, our heart, our intuition. Reconnecting with our womb, our sacred blood our cyclic nature, connecting with the natural seasons, the cycles, the moon, the stars and the sun. We must remember that everything is energy and everything matters. There is no action that is free from reaction. So we must be mindful of what action we choose to take. We must know that we are responsible for our own experience, we must know we always have a choice. We must choose wisely for one choice leads to another. Like a fork in the road of our life path, if we miss a turn we may end up where we didn’t wish to go, but we made the choice not to turn when we had the chance and now we are on a different road, maybe we are faced with a dead end or perhaps the only turns now lead to places we really don’t wish to go. We must tune into all of our senses, like an untammed creature of the wild,  if we wish to thrive we must listen carefully, we must sniff things out thoroughly before jumping in, we must keep our eyes wide open so we don’t miss the opportunity to turn when it arises. We must create enough stillness in our lives to tune into our hearts frequency, feeling into what feels good and what doesn’t feel good here in this space, in the centre of our being. Always making choices that align with our heart and womb, our intuition, our deep gut feeling, rather than making choices out of fear, from a place of trauma or in service to others. We must learn to trust our intuition as our true honest compass, one that will never lead us in the wrong direction if we listen and take action in alignment with this voice. We must live in truth and in service to truth always. If we do this we will see change. Drastic change. The change that is so desperately needed at this time here on earth.

If we wish to reclaim birth, If we wish to see women, mothers, fathers, babies and society and the world heal at the deepest level possible, I believe that this is where we must start.  Reconnection is our key to health, our key to happiness, our key to evolution.

Writings called forth over the month from May - June 25 as I slowly return to the broken maternity system.